Kelsey Schnell

My Magical, Evil Pockets

Kelsey Schnell — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 04:39:35 +0000

I don’t know how I get so lucky, but every pair of pants I own, EVERY SINGLE PAIR, is magical.

Yes. Magical.

I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, it’s not related to how good my tuckus looks. (But thank you

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New Year’s Eve-Olution

Kelsey Schnell — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 03:49:54 +0000

More than two decades of New Year’s Eves – spanning shenanigans and et cetera – and I can’t really remember any one in particular. I bore witness to the new millennium, except I can’t quite say where or what I saw. The most recent are more discernible, but even those details are a bit foggy. Not likely from age and only partly due to inebriation; for all the planning, the dry-cleaning, the buildup and the countdown, resolutions and 12 o’clock kisses shared and missed, it would seem that if each new year were a race, we make a point to dawdle and linger at the start.

What did you do in 2007? In 2008? 1996

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That Social Stranger

Kelsey Schnell — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 04:43:55 +0000

Aside from the ride on my ego that is kelseyschnell.com, and in light of the fact that I spent a cool three months without access to the Internet, you should feel free to follow the ongoing events on Twitter and Facebook.

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Motor City to Motor-Less City: I Moved to Mackinac Island

Kelsey Schnell — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 14:30:43 +0000

After working and living in Metro Detroit for just under a year-and-a-half, I’ve recently moved five hours, or 280-some miles, north — to Mackinac Island.

For those of you who aren’t aware, Mackinac Island is an island just under four-square-miles in Lake Huron. It was the U.S.A’s second National Park (Yellowstone was the first), it produces fudge as often as many of us breath in and out in a day and it is replete with horses and bicycles… because on Mackinac Island there are no cars.

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The Other Drivers Are a Bunch of Clowns

Kelsey Schnell — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:28:59 +0000

The amount of time I spend driving is seldom spent thinking about driving. That’s not to say I’m not paying attention. Driving just creates so many distracting situations

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Honor Thy Father

Kelsey Schnell — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 04:06:00 +0000

The annual June weekend dedicated to Fathers is great. Dad appreciates the necktie, weed whacker and funny card with a monkey on it looking for the remote control.

But what Dad really likes is hanging out with you.

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George Washington vs. The Future

Kelsey Schnell — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 02:57:33 +0000

Aside from inventing freedom and making wooden teeth cool (again), George Washington’s role in shaping our day-to-day lives is beyond measure. But, I fear our nation’s first president’s prevalence and relevance in daily life may be slipping. It’s a matter of George Washington and the future. One of them has conquered the Delaware River, the British, and that innocent little cherry tree. The other is garage door openers, GPS systems and iPhones.

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When Sparrows Play Chicken

Kelsey Schnell — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 03:47:06 +0000

I think it’s clear that I am not a taker of risks. I am calculated without a grasp for math and as dangerous as a well-caged hamster.

And the likelihood that I will ever challenge a friend or enemy to a game of chicken to the death is inexcitably low.

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Detroit’s Legacy, Hockeytown’s Tradition: Octopus on the Rocks

Kelsey Schnell — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 02:26:07 +0000

Ten months out of the year, an octopus should be in an aquarium or in the ocean. But, from mid-April to mid-June, an octopus deserves to be on ice.

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What Qualifies as Domestic

Kelsey Schnell — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 04:14:15 +0000

This actually happened

“Hey guys. We’ve got a special during the Pistons and Red Wings games. Pints of domestic beers are a buck-fifty,” she says.

“Cool,” I say. “Domestic? Umm…” I look over at the line of taps, trying to make an educated guess at the ornate handles, “I’ll have a Sam Adams, please.”

I instinctively reach for my ID in my back pocket, but she speaks up.

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