Hold Your Tongue and say Apple

When Steve Jobs held a press conference on July 16, 2010 to discuss the problems with the iPhone 4’s reception, the MacWorld was looking for answers. What they got was a spanking from a frustrated CEO.

When the first iPhone was introduced in 2007, the rest of the world was left to try and catch up. Steve Jobs could do no wrong after iThis and MacThat grew in popularity and consumers continued to put faith in the mock turtle neck and faded blue jeans that continued to hit home runs.

Now, admittedly, I am writing this on an iPad. I drew those pictures on an iPad. I edited them on my MacMini and then posted this. I don’t hate Apple or Steve Jobs or innovation or things that I think are cool. I just don’t like when the guy I respect for revolutionizing the way we interact with technology makes people who call his latest gift to the world “not totally perfect” feel like they are stupid because they aren’t holding the phone the way he believes they should hold it.

It’s never easy to admit there is something wrong with your kid. When the revolutionary antenna seemed to be the reason behind the loss of reception, users posted videos of bars going from five to flat when the aptly named “death grip” moniker became common.

Steve Jobs said part of the problem was in the formula used to determine the number of bars relative to the strength of the signal. Well Steve, I’m no math whiz, but zero bars of service means pretty much what one would expect it to, regardless of the formula.

Here is my formula: zero bars = zero service

Other phones have a similar problem in that depending on how one holds their device they may experience a loss of signal. Apparently this has never been paramount to one’s smart phone purchasing decision. Any flaw of a similar nature in a similar industry, say a competing personal computer developer, would be immediately exploited, and made overwhelmingly public in the form of a series of commercials and self-branding. (I’m a Mac. I’m a PC.)

Agh, but Apple, in their undeniable foresight, developed a five cent rubber band that would alleviate the signal issues. For a mere $30, iPhone owners would get normal signal, like all of their friends. Nevermind the couple hundred bucks shelled already shelled out per phone.

Steve Jobs decided to listen to the will of the people and in that July 16 press conference opted to give all iPhone 4 owners a free bumper. But he didn’t give them away like Oprah gives stuff away. “You get a bumper! And you get a bumper! And you all get bumpers!”

Instead, like a father who succumbs to the nagging pleas for ice cream from his children, Jobs said went with the, “You want bumpers? Oh, I’ll give you bumpers, all right…”

Life is good, Steve. People keep your phone relevant with loads of applications or apps that your company gets a piece of. Thomas Edison didn’t get that kind of love from the bright lights of Las Vegas and you don’t see him being snooty in press conferences.

We aren’t going to riot. We aren’t going to hurt anyone. We ARE going to pretend to drop calls when we want to get out of conversations with annoying people. You’re phone’s fault is doing us a favor… There wasn’t an app for that.

Thanks, Steve.